People pleasing is a topic I feel really passionate about because I see so many women in my life and in my audience who struggle with it. As a recovering people pleaser myself, I know how hard it can feel to say “no” to people or to want to make others feel happy all of the time.

Before I share my favorite tips to stop people pleasing, I think it’s important to note that people pleasing isn’t all bad. People pleasers typically have some really nice qualities to them such as being helpful, kind, sensitive, and empathetic. These qualities can be strengths and I’ll bet that these qualities have helped you in a lot of areas of your life! Am I right?

But if it isn’t well managed, your people pleasing habits can also have a negative affect on your life too. People pleasing can lead to stress, overwhelm, and feeling disempowered or even resentful. When you’re constantly putting other people’s needs before your own, you probably aren’t spending a lot of time considering what you want and how you feel.

I know what it’s like to play small and dim my light in order to fit in with the crowd. I know what it’s like to feel deep empathy for others and want to please everyone all of the time. I know what it’s like to hold back in speaking my truth out of fear of rejection. I know what it’s like to want everyone to like me.

Trust me, I get it! But over time, I’ve learned to build up my confidence, say no without feeling guilty, and speak my truth without caring what others thought. If you can relate to any of this, I’m so excited to help you do the same! Below are 10 ways to stop people pleasing so you can finally ditch the stress and step into your full power!

How to stop people pleasing

1. Learn to say no

Saying “no” to others can be really difficult as a people pleaser. You probably pride yourself in being for other people when they need you and saying “no” can feel really icky. You probably hate feeling like you let other people down. BUT saying no sometimes is necessary in order to protect your own sanity and wellbeing.

For example, if your boss asks you to take on more work but you are already stressed, this might be a good opportunity to try saying no. In this example, you might say, “I’d really love to help you, but at the moment I feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of work I have already. Can we talk about how we could handle this so I could do the extra work but not in a way that overloads me?”

In another example, a friend might ask you for a ride home, but you know the traffic is really bad and you’d rather not give them a ride. You might say, “Actually, today isn’t really a good day for me to give you a ride. Sorry!”

As you can see in these examples, there’s a way to say “no” that’s still kind and respectful. Plus, when you learn to say “no” more often, you won’t feel resentful towards others and instead, you’ll feel empowered because you are respecting your own boundaries!

2. Speak up and share your own thoughts and opinions

As a people pleaser, you might find yourself holding back on sharing your own opinions and ideas. Instead of sharing openly, you might choose to hang back and go along with the crowd. Usually, this comes from a place of fear of rejection. You fear that others may judge or reject your thoughts, so you’d rather just go along with everyone else in order to make them happy.

In this case, I really encourage you to start small. Each day, try speaking up and sharing one of your own thoughts or opinions. Whether it’s with your family, friends, or coworkers, try sharing something each day that feels a little vulnerable. When I started doing this more, I was surprised to find that a lot of times, people were grateful I shared an “unpopular opinion” because they actually felt the same exact way!

When you share more openly and authentically, it helps others get to know you better and helps you feel more confident!

3. Be mindful of your needs and desires

As a people pleaser, you probably are used to scanning the reactions of others to make sure they are happy. You might even consider yourself a little hypervigilant! When you are constantly “outward focused”, it’s easy to forget to also be “inner focused.” Simply put, you can become so focused on others, that you forget to be focused on you!

I love teaching my coaching clients all about mindfulness and how to use mindfulness as a way to be more focused on you. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment with non-judgemental awareness. The easiest way to practice mindfulness is by bringing your awareness to your 5 senses.

Every morning when you wake up, notice how you’re feeling. Close your eyes and take a deep breathe. What can you see? Feel? Hear? Taste? Smell? How is your body feeling? Your mind? Your soul? Each morning, let your self care be guided by the answers to this question: What nourishing activities are my mind, body, and soul craving today?

Asking that question and being more mindful about you body’s needs allows you to take care of yourself and not just other people.

5. Practice self care

As a self care coach, I am always advocating for people to practice self care! Whether it’s something simple like reading a book while drinking tea or it’s something more complex like taking a trip to a spa- self care is essential for our wellbeing!

I love creating self care rituals to do in the morning or evening. I find that these rituals really help me feel grounded and more calm to start or end my day!

If you’re not already, I highly suggest signing up for my email list at the bottom of this page! When you sign up, I’ll send you a ton of free self care resources that will help you incorporate more self care into your life! I get incredible feedback all the time from women who say how much they enjoy and look forward to getting my emails and resources!

6. Ask for help when you need it

It’s so important to remember that there is a world of people out there ready and willing to help you out! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask a friend for some advice. If you need help cooking, ask your partner or kid to help you out. If you’re feeling alone and struggling with your mental health, seek out a therapist or coach. If you’re lacking motivation or feeling uninspired, buy a book or listen to a podcast.

You don’t need to do things alone! If you need help, ask for it. Most people are more than willing to give you a hand.

7. Remember that others reactions are not your responsibility

As a people pleaser, you probably care how you are perceived by other people. But it’s so important to remember that you are not in control of the way other people react. I once heard someone say, “What others think of you is none of your business.” I thought this was brilliant because it’s so true!

You could be the nicest person on the planet and there will still be people who don’t like you. That’s just the truth, but it’s ok! You’re not here to please everyone and those who don’t like you, aren’t meant to be in your life anyway.

8. Practice validating and loving yourself

Do you ever find yourself seeking validation outside of yourself? Wishing others would say “good job!” or validate your ideas? It can feel really great when this happens, but powerful things can happen when you decide to validate yourself!

No one else can quite understand or see your life vision the way you do. So if there’s something you want to do with your life, whether it’s switch careers or start up a new hobby, you just need to go for it even if you don’t have everyone’s support. When I started my online business, Lovely Holistic Living, I didn’t know a single person doing what I wanted to do. I had to validate myself, love myself deeply, and just go for it!

9. Bring awareness to your pain and pleasure points

I’m a huge advocate of journaling, so for this one, I highly recommend you grab a journal. To find your “pain point” consider the question, Why do I struggle with people pleasing? Maybe you watched a parent do it or maybe you do it as a way to feel loved or accepted. Whatever your reason, becoming clear about it can be really helpful in moving forward.

Next, I encourage you to find your pleasure point. To do this, journal on the question, Why do I want to stop people pleasing? How would your life be different if you could start creating more boundaries and respecting your space and time? How would life improve if you weren’t so concerned with other people’s needs? How would life be different if you prioritize your self care more often? Doing this little exercise can help motivate you to see a way of life that feels better to you.

10. Take more pauses and mindful moments throughout your day

Lastly, taking more pauses to rest and relax can be really helpful. As a people pleaser, you are probably quick to say “yes!” to anyone who needs your help. What would happen if you paused for a few seconds to think about it or if you said to someone, “Let me think about it and get back to you.”? By taking more mindful pauses, you give yourself space to think things through and make decisions that are intentional and not automatic.

I really hope these tips to stop people pleasing was helpful to you! Join my free email list below to grab all of my self care resources and receive weekly inspirational emails to help you prioritize your self care and live a more mindful life!