Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept of taking our emotional triggers and learning from them.. instead of allowing them to spiral us into a negativity that we can’t get out of.

It’s a mindset shift I’ve been working on a lot and it’s something that’s really helped me view negative emotions in a different, more positive light. I’m so excited to share these ideas with you because I think you’ll find them really helpful in managing difficult emotions!

So let’s start with what a trigger is.

What is a trigger?

A trigger is an external stimuli (like a song, a smell, or something somebody says) that elicits a strong emotional reaction out of you. As a grad student studying mental health therapy and as a self care coach, triggers are something that I’ve learned and thought a lot about.

Triggers may be complex and intense. Or they may be more mild. For somebody with PTSD, for example, triggers are common and can bring up really difficult memories of past trauma.

Triggers can also be more mild and occur for people who don’t have a past history of trauma. A more mild trigger may be a feeling of anger, irritation, or annoyance at something somebody said or did.

For example, over the weekend somebody made a comment about my outfit and this triggered a strong emotional reaction out of me. I started to get irritated, but it was actually the first time I was able to view the situation in a positive light. And then I was even able to turn it into a positive learning experience! I’ll share more of that below.

How do you deal with triggers?

Step 1: Bring awareness

The first step is always to bring awareness to the trigger! Sometimes we become upset without even really knowing why. Has that ever happened to you?

Maybe you started to feel crappy and sad without even really knowing why. Or maybe you snapped at your boyfriend or husband and weren’t sure why.

It happens to all of us from time to time! Try not to judge yourself for it, but simply become aware of it. Notice that something may have triggered you and become curious about it. I highly recommend using journaling as a way to organize and gain clarity on your thoughts and feelings. It’s something I’ve been doing for years and I’m always blown away by how much journaling helps me deal with difficult emotions!

I have a journaling e-guide all about how to start and maintain a consistent journaling practice for self care. It includes powerful journal prompts, tips on journaling, and even some guided meditations. I love this bundle and think you will too! You can learn more by clicking here.

Step 2: Explore it deeper

The next step once you identified what set you off, is to explore it a little deeper. I’ll use an example from my own life. So somebody recently made a comment about not liking something I was wearing. This quickly sent me into a spiral of negativity. Once I realized why I was upset and that the comment really triggered me, I started digging into it.

I started asking myself, “Why did that comment really bother me?”

Often times, when we get triggered it’s because of an underlying fear. I realized my underlying fear was, “My clothes suck and I’m not good at fashion.” Or maybe even, “I’m afraid of people judging my outfits.”

When something really bothers us, it’s because it’s hitting up against a fear. If you become triggered by somebody saying something like, “I don’t think that job is a good fit for you” you probably have an underlying fear that says, “I’m not good enough for that job” or “I’m not very smart.”

If somebody said to you, “You have purple hair!” it probably wouldn’t be trigger you, right? (unless you do actually have purple hair!)

You’d just be like, “Uh.. no I don’t” because you’d know for certain that it wasn’t true. We get triggered by the things that we feel insecure about because some part of us fears that they might be true.

Step 3: Decide what’s true

One of my core beliefs is that we can always be in control of our mindset. You get to choose what thoughts to believe. So in my example of the comment about my outfit, I literally pulled out my journal and wrote down my limiting belief, “I’m not good at fashion.”

Then I asked myself, “Is this really true?”

I decided, no that’s not really true. That person just has a different sense of style, and that’s ok.

So then I asked myself, “What’s a more positive thought? What would I like to believe instead? What’s more true?”

I decided: “I have great clothes and a great sense of style and I wear what I feel comfortable wearing. My fashion style is always evolving and it’s ok if other people don’t get it or like it. It’s my personal style.”

By the end of journaling all of this out, I felt so much better because I squashed the fear that I got triggered by. I think so often people just avoid triggers or don’t even acknowledge the fact that they got triggered. Looking at our fears isn’t fun. It can be painful. But by looking at our fears, we can choose new, empowering beliefs. Next time this fear get’s triggered, instead of becoming upset by it, it probably won’t even bother me because I’ve already dealt with it!

Step 4: View your triggers as lessons

Anytime we get triggered, it’s an opportunity to learn and see where we still have healing left to do.

Rather than judge yourself for getting upset by something, make sure you practice self love and compassion. Be gentle and patient with yourself. This can be some tough inner-work!

When a difficult emotion continues to come up, it’s because that thing is ready to be healed. Your body, the universe, God, or whatever you believe in is saying, “Here it is. This trigger is here so you can heal it. This is your opportunity to look at this and choose a new belief.”

Instead of getting upset or annoyed at your triggers, what would happen if you decided to learn from them instead?

This is part of my work as a self care coach and if this is something you’d like support on, I’d love to chat about working together!! You can book your free 20 minute call with me here and we can see if coaching 1:1 is right for you!

With love,

Ashley