Today I’m featuring a beautifully done guest post done by author and blogger, Jennifer Webb. She blogs at contentmentquesting.com where she is passionate about helping people live happier and more fulfilled daily lives. In this post, she shares with us the reasons why people worry, the difference between worry vs. concern, worry’s effects on the body, and how you can finally release worry from your life. I think you’ll find it super helpful and informative. Enjoy!
Do you wish you could let go of worry, but have a hard time doing so?
I know that Elsa from “Frozen” has a whole “Let it go” song, and I wish it was that easy, don’t you? I used to worry all the time too. I still do from time to time but I have learned some strategies to let go of worry that I’d like to share with you. First, let’s look at where worry comes from, what it is, what it isn’t and why it’s healthy to let it go.
Where Worry Comes From
All worry stems from some kind of insecurity. Many of us want the illusion of control. We want so badly to be in control of things because it makes us feel safe and secure. We worry because we don’t trust ourselves to handle life if we don’t anticipate it and see it coming. Most of my worry is a misguided attempt to anticipate the worst thing that could go wrong so that I can plan for it and maybe prevent it.
I will not argue against the idea that you need a crisis plan in place. It’s a good idea to be prepared when you can be. However, when you sit and think about that worst-case scenario over and over again in your mind, it goes from planning to worrying. Worry has many negative effects on the body and like a leech, slowly sucks away our happiness.
We need to let go of worry because when we turn those worst-case scenarios around and around in our mind, it’s like our imagination is running away with us. We start fearing fantasies that might happen.
Life is uncontrollable by nature. You have to trust in yourself and your ability to handle life.
Related: Simple Secrets You Need to Know to Be Happy and Content
Defining worry vs concern
I have seen many definitions of worry, but I do have a favorite one that I like to remind myself of from time to time. It’s coined by psychologist Dr. Joe Luciani in his book, “Self Coaching.” He says that “Worry is the habit of anticipating chaos” Most, if not all worries start with “what if” What if… such and such happens.
Worry takes a situation and blows it entirely out of proportion. Like the child that convinces him or herself that there is a monster under their bed, our worries often translate to being afraid of fantasies.
Concern, on the other hand, is different from worry and much healthier. Concern is fact-based. The emotions of concern are proportional to the problem and it’s more geared towards constructive problem-solving.
Let’s look at a problem from the standpoint of both worry and concern. I think you will quickly be able to see why we need to let go of worry and how it’s not constructive or helpful.
Example of worry
For example, let’s say that my tires are wearing thin. They start off at 10 mm of tread and they need to be replaced at 2 mm. They are currently at about 3 mm. Worrying about the situation might look like something like this:
Oh no! My tires are wearing thin! What if I get a flat? What if I’m on the freeway when that happens and I can’t get over to the side in time and I’m in a horrible car accident?! What if I die in a fiery crash?? My husband and children would be devastated! How would they make it without me? My husband is so sweet and handsome, I bet he would not be single long! He’s such a good catch! What if he remarries and she’s mean to my kids?? My poor babies!!”
Example of concern
Now let’s look at that same situation from the viewpoint of concern. Concern about the problem might look like this:
Aw man! My tires are wearing thin. Let’s see, they still have a bit of life left in them, so I should be able to go another month or so safely. I will get the size of the tire off the side and call around to all the tire shops tomorrow to see what their prices are and how long the tires they carry will last. Then, I will make an informed decision and look at the budget to see the best way to pay for them.
Comparison of Worry Vs Concern
Those two dialogs sound radically different, don’t they? In the first one, the emotions are way overblown. Did you see any constructive problem-solving? The situation went from “My tires are thin” to “I could die and my children might be left with an evil step-mother.” That’s pretty far fetched. When we worry, we become concerned about FICTION. In other words, what we worry about usually doesn’t come true anyway. That’s why it’s so important to let go of worry.
Often our worries deal in things that seem logical at the time but are really complete fiction if we step back and look more closely. Look at how many “What ifs” are in the worry dialogue. If you’re thought starts with “what if” that’s usually a big hint that what you’re hearing is worry and not concern.
In the concern dialogue, notice that I still care. However, my emotions are proportional to the problem at hand. There is constructive problem solving and a clear plan. I am dealing with facts and not once is there a single “what if” in the whole mental train of thought.
What worry does to us – Negative Effects on the Body
Worrying has many negative effects on the body. These are among the many reasons to let go of worry. Sometimes there is not preventing bad things from happening. How much you worry or how much you care cannot prevent everything. Additionally, worry can further fuel insecurity which drives people away in the end when you try to cling too tightly. Caring is a good thing, and you should care, but worrying is not a good way to express it. Excessive worrying can lead to:
- Anxiety
- Digestive disorders
- Premature coronary artery disease
- Heart attack
- Muscle tension
- Short term memory loss
When we worry excessively, it can trigger a stress response, which can lead to all of the above concerns. Our bodies are equipped to handle stress for short periods of time, but not constantly for long periods of time.
Letting Go of Worry When You Feel Stuck
Have you ever seen a Chinese finger trap? They are little toys made from woven tubes. Most often they are made from plastic now but I have seen them made from stiff cloth. You put a finger into each end. When you try to pull both fingers out at the same time, the weaving tightens and you are stuck!
If you panic and pull harder, the weaving tightens further. It can seem impossible to get out of if you don’t know how they work. The secret to let go of worry and the secret to get your fingers out of the Chinese finger trap is the same – you let go.
Here are some strategies to help you let go of worry and turn it into concern, which is much healthier. You still care, you still address the problem, but instead of your imagination running away with you, it’s constructive and fact-based.
Strategies to Let Go of Worry
Self Awareness
In almost all areas of personal development, self-awareness is the first step. You can’t change a problem unless you know it exists. Try catching yourself when you are worrying and mentally take a step back and observe. Are you worrying about something fact-based, or do most of your internal thoughts start with “What If”?
Acknowledge the worry and work through it logically addressing each concern
When you find yourself “What- ifing” a lot, pull the brake on your runaway worry train and ask yourself if what you are worrying about is fact or fiction? Does your worry have a base in fact,or are you guessing? Go through each of the thoughts you are having, either in your head or on paper and logically address each one. I find it helpful to come up with an action plan for each thing that usually reads “If this happens, then I will deal with it by doing that.”
Designate a worrying time
I have never done this one personally, but I have often seen it recommended as a strategy to let go of worry. If you are in the habit of worrying, you may find that thought pattern particularly hard to break. Designate a certain time each day to worry. No longer than 15 minutes or so. When you have a worry pop up in your head, set it aside for that time. Think, “ No, I’ll worry about it at my worry time. I need to do other things now.” This exercise helps your brain learn to switch off that channel and go to something else.
Write them down
I am a big fan of journaling. It seems like if I’m worried about something and I can’t keep it out of my mind, I can rest better if I get it out on paper. Often once I write it down, it doesn’t seem as big and I can better take a step back and tell if my thoughts are fact-based or fiction based. If they are on paper, they stop rattling around in my brain in an endless circle.
Change the channel
Here’s another way to derail that worry train. What do you do when you are watching tv and a show comes on that you don’t like? You change the channel. What do you do if a song comes on that you don’t want stuck in your head? You change the channel.
You can use a visualization exercise to practice this with your thoughts as well. This exercise trains your mind to let go of worry. It will be hard at first, and your worries will come back because your brain has been trained to dwell on them. But if you keep it up, you will find them staying away for longer and longer periods of time. Just imagine your worries as an unwanted radio station or tv show and reaching up with the remote and changing the channel to something more pleasant.
If changing the channel does not work for you, you might also imagine letting a worry balloon go or kicking a worry ball away.
Deep Breathing Techniques
I know you have been told to take a deep breath before when you were worried or scared about something. Try taking a quick inhale through your nose, and then an exhale through your nose that is twice as long. (Inhale 2 seconds, exhale 4 seconds) Do this a few times and you will trigger your vegas nerve which runs through all the major organs of the body and is connected to your brain. You will feel calmer and less worried instantly. You can see more about how this works and see some more diaphragmatic breathing exercises here.
Phone a friend, then let it go
Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone and I talk it out. I will phone a friend, and ask, “Can I tell you everything I am worried about for 20 minutes and then we move on and talk about something else?” I will vent and rant for 20 minutes, and then it’s over. I have to let go of the worry and move on. I’ve had my time and my brain has tossed it around and around enough. Your feelings are still addressed, but you do not allow yourself to dwell on it.
The Last Thing You Need to Know to Let Go Of Worry
Are you ready to let go of worry now?
While it’s not always easy to stop worrying, it’s important to remember that it’s not constructive or based on fact. We worry because we are insecure about our ability to handle life and what it throws at us. You can’t worry or care enough to prevent bad things from happening though. If left unaddressed excessive worrying can trigger a stress response from our brains and lead to health problems.
Try to become aware of when you are worrying so you can logically address each concern. Phone a friend and vent for a specific period of time, write down your worries, change the channel, try mindfulness, or some deep breathing exercises. When you let go of worry, you cast of that leech that is slowly sucking your happiness away. You will be amazed at how much lighter you feel after you have mastered these skills. What do you do to let go of worry? Leave me a comment below!