The Holidays are coming up! This can be such a fun time but can also be exhausting, stressful, and let’s face it: full of problems. With so many people around and so much to do, the Holidays are a crucial time to really pay attention to your self care. And a huge part of self care? Boundaries!
Why should we practice boundaries?
Without boundaries, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. You might end up taking on too much (like agreeing to cook all the food even though you hate to cook!) or spending time arguing with your uncle (who has incredibly different political views from you!) or staying later at a family party (even though you feel exhausted!).
As a recovering people pleaser myself, I know what it’s like to want to please others. I used to spend a lot of time saying “yes” to things I really wanted to say no to. Or quickly forgiving someone when they hurt me just to avoid confrontation.
But when you do things just to please others, you aren’t really being your authentic self. Essentially, you’re lying to yourself and others about what’s truly best for you. And only you know what’s best for you. So it’s your job to stand up and speak up for what it is you need!
There can be so much empowerment in creating boundaries for yourself!
You might be tempted to focus on pleasing everyone else this holiday season, but this is your reminder that: self care isn’t selfish. It’s essential!
How do you practice boundaries?
Step 1: Bring mindfulness and self-awareness in
I talk about mindfulness a lot on the blog because it’s so important! Mindfulness is the practice of being right here, fully aware in the present moment without judgement.
Here’s a little mindfulness exercise you can do to bring more awareness to how you feel: Close your eyes and imagine saying “yes” to something you actually want to say no to. Notice how it feels in your body to lie. What do you notice? Maybe you feel a tension in your stomach or maybe you feel your throat close a little. Now imagine yourself saying “yes” to something you’d love to do! What reaction does your body have now? Most likely, you had two very different feelings inside your body for each scenario. As you go through the holidays and make decisions, continuously check in with how you’re feeling. Your body always gives clues!
Step 2: Release the guilt
It’s common to feel guilty when creating boundaries. You’re probably a really empathetic person and you never want to hurt someone’s feelings. But if you’re honest and upfront about what you need, there’s NO shame in that! And if a person truly cares about you, they won’t be mad at you for setting some boundaries.
I always like to say that when ONE woman starts to put herself first, she shows other women it’s ok to do the same. If everyone was living in a more authentic way, taking care of their needs and being true to themselves, don’t you think this world would be a better place? It would! So do your best to let go of the guilt and stand up for yourself!
Step 3: Be clear and be unapologetic
Speak boldly, speak clearly, and speak up without apologizing! Sometimes people won’t like it when you create new boundaries, and that’s ok. You are not here to please everyone and be everything for everybody. You’ve got to do what’s best for you and your energy.
And like the saying goes, You can’t pour from an empty cup!
What are some examples of boundaries to set?
It all depends on your specific energy levels and what you need, but here are some examples of healthy boundaries to set around the holidays.
- Saying “No thank you” when asked if you’d like to go somewhere you don’t want to go.
- Saying “I’d rather not talk about that” when someone asks about something you’d rather not get into.
- Walking away from a conversation or person who is full of toxic or negative energy
- Spending time alone to recharge and feel rejuvenated
- Keeping physical boundaries by not giving hugs to anyone you don’t want to hug
- If your throwing a party, being firm in the house rules and what you allow in your home
- Being firm if there’s a time you’d like everyone gone from your house
- Saying “no thank you” when offered a food you really don’t want to eat
I hope these give you some good ideas to set healthy boundaries for yourself around the holidays! Boundaries are so important to protect your energy and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed or exhausted. There is no shame in speaking up for yourself and it’s so important to remember that self care is essential!
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